Somebody, I beg you to make me temporarily deaf. Help. I’m at a coffee shop right now working on some essays and there is a singing duo “performing” with a guitar and sound system – they have a whole set up to present themselves as professionals. And they are completely HORRIBLE – especially the woman.
I know I should just leave, but I already bought my decaf caramel mocha and if I go to another place, I’d have to buy something else to take up space in their shop and use their wifi and I really don’t want to. I have limited time and I’m not that crazy about coffee. Okay, now the guy is singing and he is equally awful – they both SUCK. Clearly the coffee shop owner didn’t listen to the demo tape before she agreed to let them play. People are clapping for them – they must be friends or are so hopped up on coffee they can’t distinguish between good and horribly awful sounds – because that what this noise is – just some really horrible sounds pretending to be singing.
Who are these delusional people who believe they can, or worse, should sing in public? They clearly invested some time and money to learn songs, have their own sound system, and secure coffee shop gigs. But really truly, they can’t sing. I am no singer despite studying it in college, but I think at least I can carry a tune (in the shower) but I have enough humility to not attempt this form of creative expression in public. This is not unlike sitting through a high school choir concert, feigning a smile as your best friend slaughters the “The Rose”. The only people not wincing are her mother and grandmother. The choir teacher is accompanying her on the piano, so she doesn’t have to take responsibility - her only charge is to ensure confidence and spirit in the mind of young impressionable teens.
Oh, now this is just cruel – the female part of this god-forsaken is performing duo is singing Joni Mitchell. Oh god, now he joined in. They're singing, “I really don’t know clouds at all” as a duet. A double dose of complete and utter suckness. I will have to blast Joni Mitchell when I get home to eradicate the annoying tinning sound haunting my internal auditory system.
“What would you do if I sang out of tune” he bellows. Bodily harm is not out of the question at this point.
These are the people who try out for American Idol and land themselves on the audition shows that kick-off the season, whose sole funtion is to poke fun at the lack of ability to carry a tune.
Where is Simon Cowell when you need him?
